A Purging of Men

What a weekend. I did nothing particularly exciting ... I went to DC and I also frequented the 2 regular spots I frequent right here in Baltimore, but there was one disarming thing that happened this weekend that I didn't realize until yesterday - I ran into no less than ten different guys who I've had in interest in recently, many of whom I posted about on this blog. I ran into the "first call" guy I blogged about last week, who never returned my call by the way - that fish is dead in the water. I ran into the "perfect guy for me who is currently taken yet I never seem to see his boyfriend when I see him out" - and no, he never called either. I ran into the guy I went on a date with weeks ago but never made it to the second date - ironically, after running into him twice he now wants to see me again really badly, but I'm not so sure I'm feeling it anymore. I ran into the moron, although I didn't say hello, though I really wanted to and still do. (I did text him ... I think I understand kind of why he was moronic to me ... personal issues). I ran into my ex's ex, who had introduced me to my ex to begin with (and warned me!). And to make matters worse, I actually called my ex. Why, I don't know. I was browsing names on my phone and saw his name and got the familiar lurch in the pit of my stomach. U know the one - the mixture of "why did I waste so much of myself on him" and "why doesn't he want me the way I want him". I went to hit "delete" but somehow found myself hitting "send" instead. But I knew he wouldn't pick up being that part of my issue with him was communication ... but of course, in this instance, he picked up. I didn't have anything to say. It was polite. We talked for about ten minutes and he asked if I wanted to get together on Memorial Day and hang out to which I responded "yes". I knew he wouldn't call as he said ... he never did and I didn't expect that to change. The only difference this time was ... I didn't care. About him, about these other guys, about any of it! And it felt grand. I didn't care.

Incestuous Baltimore has left me feeling like I really just need to give it a rest here. I'm done looking. I'm done making finding someone a priority in my life. I think I've experienced a "purging of men" and it feels fab.

Through all of this, though, even though I honestly wasn't looking for this to happen ... I have a ray of hope. At the very least, I think I may have found a new friend, and that's a wonderful feeling in itself. I'm not going to write too much about him yet (don't want 2 jinx it). Suffice it 2 say I think I've found a connection with someone. The future is a mystery. And that's a good thing.

"Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song ..." - Roberta Flack/The Fugees, Killing Me Softly

WTF - It's the Size of the Hole that Counts

I've always thought 4 inches was a little, how should I put this, less than desirable. It's not an issue for me normally given the man can turn around and open sesame, but I'd have to imagine that for a woman 4 inches is a little hard to work with, all puns intended. Well, for WTF day, I offer you this little morsel from Reuters, courtesy of Chuck Shepherd:

A male inmate and a female inmate in a Turkish prison were given additional four-month sentences in February for destruction of property after they were convicted of having made a 4-inch hole in the wall separating their cells and using it to conceive a child (according to Istanbul's largest morning newspaper, Hurriyet). [Reuters, 4-28-05] [Agence France-Presse, 2-28-05]

So, I guess that was one little potent pecker if it was enough to knock up a gal through a four inch hole! For that to be true that would have to mean that the prick was actually less than four inches ... and I'm having a hard time imagining what position they both would have had to be in to actually have intercouse through a four inch hole in the wall! I guess I'm not as sexually creative as I thought because all I can think about when imagining it is ...

What the f*ck??!!

Crown Prince of the Trailer Park

So, I'm at the bar last night and lo and behold, what is everyone watching but the Season Finale of American Idol. Thankfully, it was down to the last ten minutes or else I would have had to leave. Now, after the horrific experience that was my American Idol audition, I boycotted this year, I didn't watch a single episode. But my god, Bo Bice as a finalist???? Are u fucking kidding me? He sang Sweet Home Alabama! He looked like he just flew to Hollywood from his friggin' trailer park! I didn't see him perform anything else, but come on, this was the big finale, right? Was he REALLY the best they had to offer. Ewww, it made my nose turn up and made me order a drink ... a double. Thankfully, that other girl, the one who actually won, was good. But my oh my, it does make me wonder what people's tastes are if bo boy, nice or not, made it all the way to the finals.

And I wonder, can he write, compose and produce all his own music like I can? And I didn't even make round one? Shit, I guess I was just 2 much 2 soon!

ps. It was quite funny 2 see all the queens at the bar go bananas cheering when that country chick won. I wonder if she knows what a loyal gay following she apparently has already amassed. What is it with us (us being homos) and our fascination with big mouthed divas with hugh hair and high voices?

"It's not right, but it's o.k. I'm gonna make it anyway." - Whitney Houston (aka: Crack-is-whack), It's Not Right, But It's OK

Dating 101 - The First Call

There is a reason that I'm single. I know there is, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it (jokes aside please). Well, it dawned on me this afternoon that perhaps I'm still single because I suck at dating. If dating were a science, even though I consider myself intelligent and graduated with honors magnum cum laude from my university, I would flunk miserably. U know that awkward moment when you first meet or talk with someone and you can tell that physically everything is working, but you're not sure what else turns them on emotionally or intellectually? The best I've ever been able to do is be myself, but it seems like that's exactly what sends them running for the hills.

Anyhoo, getting to the point of this post, here along my journey to find a meaningful relationship (which would also be my first relationship), 2 nights ago I met someone. A waiter ... yes, yes he waited on me. :-) We locked eyes, there was flirting (in my head anyway) and then when I saw him again later that night at the bar, my suspicions were confirmed. After some heavy duty PDA at the bar (easily one of the top 5 kissers I've experienced in life so far -- that's pretty fucking amazing!) he gave me his number and told me to call him. When he left, I'm sure I was smiling like the Cheshire cat. Try as I might to be cool about it all, this guy was hot ... hot hot hot. Though I may like all different kinds, shapes and races of guys, the blond haired, blue eyed hottie is definitely my favorite flavor! And he was just that! We'll call him Slavic. Now he wasn't flawless, he had a little bit more around the waist than I'm accustomed to, and from what I could see a lot of hair on his chest (which is cool as long as there is no back hair, nothing is more disgusting than back hair, I'm sorry!), but everything else was hopping! There was just one itsy bitsy problem (ok, 2 problems, but I'll get 2 that later) - he wanted me to call him. Ick.

I hate being the one to make the first call, but it always seems to be me. First problem is I don't know what his intentions are - does he want me to call so that we can get together and f*ck -cuz all that kissing at the bar let me know that's what he had on his mind ... OR does he want me to call so that he can get to know me? Personally, I'd be ok with either scenario. Yes, I know, I'm a ho-no-mo, but I don't get the vapors that often so I need a lil' slack here. Second problem is ... he knows a friend of mine ... and yes, I mean he knows him in the Biblical sense. I guess that's not so much of a problem as it's just an ewwww! Baltimore is WAY too incestuous! It's like that episode of the L-Word, 6 degrees of cunt or something like that, where Alice draws the diagram that connects everyone's sleeping partners and it shows how, literally, everyone has slept with everyone. Is it like that in big cities too?

Anyhoo, so I called him this afternoon. I was very uneasy, very uncomfortable about how to steer this fledgling conversation. We talked about our jobs, our birthdays and age, some other random stuff, nothing too noteworthy or particularly funny, amusing, intellectual or even interesting for that matter. And I'm completely at a loss for anything to say that is remotely like myself - ie: witty, charming, cool, funny, intriguing. He can't talk long and says at the end of our conversation, after I confirm the number I'm calling from is my cell phone, that he'll call me back.

So, all and all, not bad I guess? Normally, I wouldn't think it was awful, but see I have a history of boys running extremely hot and cold with me. So, part of me is thinking he's not gonna call me back. Ever.

There's just one thing I need to know for sure ... in the rules of dating etiquette, a returned phone call that's promised but never happens is CLEARLY saying that party is not interested, right? In no circumstance or realm of this world should I call him again if I don't hear from him, correct? Is my thinking right on this? I need the confirmation of the dating sage that my line of thinking is solid and not tres fickle.

"I'm gonna call my baby on the phone, got ta leave a mesage just to let her know that if she ever feels alone to dial my heart." - The Boys, Dial My Heart

Google Dumped My Ass!

I feel ... jilted. Betrayed. Lost. I got this email yesterday from google:

It has come to our attention that invalid clicks have been generated onthe ads on your web pages. We have therefore disabled your GoogleAdSense account. Please understand that this step was taken in aneffort to protect the interest of the AdWords advertisers.A publisher's site may not have invalid clicks on any ad(s), including but not limited to clicks generated by a publisher on his own webpages, clicks generated through the use of robots, automated clickingtools, or any other deceptive software.Practices such as these are in violation of the Google AdSense Termsand Conditions and program polices. US Publishers disabled for invalid click activity are not allowed furtherparticipation in AdSense and do not receive any further payment. The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers. Sincerely, The Google AdSense Team

Huhwha??? Invalid clicks? Robots? Deceptive software? Shit, you'd think I was actually computer savvy enough to do any of that shit. I guess it was no real loss seeing as I'd been in AdSense for 9 months so far and had only just amassed $100 which means I never saw ANY money from it (cuz you can't get paid until you hit $100). I just think it's funny that when I do finally earn enough for a check, they drop me like a big turd. Isent them a return email asking for an explanation or some evidence of how they came to the conclusion that I was in fact a bot and had some clandestine software making clicks for me. I was a bit peeved at first, but wuteva. Am I really in need of a nickel a day? I think I'll be alright.

What sucks the most is that I had to spend all morning re-doing the format on my blog cuz it got all f*cked up and I know jack shit about HTML.

"... trying 2 make a dollar out of 15 cents (a dime and a nickel)" - Tupak, I Get Around

My Review of Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

So, I saw this movie last Thursday night. I had my tickets 3 days early, I stood in line with all the hardcore fans for an a hour before the show, I smiled bemused at all the kids and adults who were dressed up like Leah or Darth Vader and at all the guys who were weilding light sabers. It was very exciting and there's nothing quite like hearing John Williams famous score pounding through the loud speakers announcing the beginning of a brand new episode. Unfortunately, this will be the last time we get to experience that for the first time. So here are my 2 cents on the final episode of the most famous movie saga of all time:

I thought it was really, really good, but not great.

Special effects: awesome!

Light saber battles: kick ass!

Anakin's descent into darkness: unconvincing and rushed.

Titanic in space? Not! The emotions in this movie felt very plastic and sterile. I blame it mostly on the script because most of the actors, as we know, are all top notch.

Cheesy Star Wars dialogue: loads of it! (It's part of the fun)

Favorite part: Mace Windu coming to kick Sen. Palpatine's ass! Oh yeah, and then at the end Yoda coming to kick Sen. Palpatine's ass!

What was missing: Humor. Nothing funny here. All fights, special effects and darkness. Also missing, cheeseball romance. Anakin and Padme - absolutely no chemistry, no passion, not even cheeseball passion, it was all very forced and very fake, unfortunately to the detriment of the movie.

Better than the first 2 prequels? Yep!

Will I see it again? Many many times. But probably not nearly as many times as I've watched the Harry Potter movies!

"I'm waiting 4 the night 2 fall." - Depeche Mode, Waiting For the Night

WTF - Oooh Yeah, Stick a Hook In Me, Baby!

Today's WTF entry is just plain twisted. Not 2 mention sick. One could also say gross. One thing is 4 sure ... euphoric it most definitely is not! Courtesy of Chuck Shepherd:

News of the Weird has already reported that some people have a fondness for inserting 3-inch steel hooks in their skin and hanging from pulleys for minutes, or even an hour, at a time. In April, about 100 such aficionados attended a gathering in Providence, R.I., and participants seemed thrilled, according to a Reuters dispatch. A Connecticut teen: "It was euphoric. It was spiritual. I'd do it again today if I wasn't so sore." A woman, watching her boyfriend slowly swing: "Look at his face. He's so serene. We've had some really rough times this year, and he needed this really bad." A Canadian man: "The first couple of times, I didn't enjoy it. The first time, I blacked out, and one time I was convulsing. But the third time I got better. I wasn't blacking out anymore." [Reuters, 4-5-05]

Ok, this makes Bondage/S&M look like childs' play. Can U think of anything more intoxicatingly erotic than having a meat hook stuck in your back and hanging from a warehouse ceiling until your spilled blood dries and your eyes roll back in your head and you lose oxygen? Oh yeah, baby, hang me up!

Just makes me say ...

What the f*ck????!

I Didn't Feel "The Force" Last Night ...

No date last night. No call to cancel. Nada. The sad part is ... I wasn't even surprised. Hell, I even expected it. I LONG for the day when the little fuckwads I continually think are "dating prospects" AREN'T predictable.

But it's all good. I have my tix 4 STAR WARS tonight (and 4 once, the force will be with me, thank u very much), afterwards I plan on a night of drunken fun downtown, and then tomorrow I start my weekend getaway to Cedar Point.

Hallelujah!

"I want 2 get away. I wanna fly away. Yeah, yeah, yeah!" - Lenny Kravitz, Fly Away

Fans as Investors?

Joe at SpinMe.com has stumbled onto a genius idea. There's a website called Fundable that lets you raise capital via investors. So, say I wanted to make a new CD but didn't have all the cash. I could put a project on this website and break it down and say something like I need 100 people to put up $10 to raise a $1000 by a certain date. (Of course, they'd get the finished CD for free). The COOLEST PART of this, however, is that if you don't reach your goal by your set date, your "investors" (or donors rather) get their money back, so there's zero risk for them. It would be tantamount to taking pre-sale orders really, which is always a good idea and something I haven't done yet.

I would love 2 try it out, don't know how effective it would be though. I know I'm currently working on a pop/rock EP and I sure could use about $750. It sounds good in theory, but would my fans be willing to do it? I guess I could try it out, at this point I have nothing 2 lose. If I could get 75 people to put up $10, that would do it ... then again, I haven't sold 75 copies of "Deviant" yet and that's been out since December ... which would raise the question why I'm even recording another project then in the first place. I guess I'm just a glutton 4 punishment.

Truth is I've put out 2 cds now and neither one of them has made their money back, but I'm looking at it at this early stage in my career as more of an investment than a loss. With an idea like Fundable, though, I could conceibably take the risk and the loss right out of the equation.

What do U think? Would U put up $10 for a project like that for an artist you liked?

"Think what that money would bring ..." - Gwen Stefani, Rich Girl

PS: My CD Deviant is available to sample and buy right here! So, go check it out!

WTF - The Role of a Lifetime vs. Grandpa's Best Friend

Today's WTF entries truly and honestly made me say outloud "What the f*ck?!" after reading them. First, a man who was playing some weird murder mystery role playing game said that if he lost, his opponents could kill him and his parents just as it was described in the game. Well, guess what ... he lost:

SAO PAULO, Brazil - A 21-year-old man and his parents were killed after the man agreed to be murdered along with his family if he lost a murder-mystery role-playing game, local media reported Saturday. Authorities said the man and two others were playing characters who might be murdered depending on the outcome of the game. After Thiago Andrade Guedes lost, he allegedly allowed the other men to carry out the killings, just as happened in the game.
Guedes and his parents were killed on April 26 after being drugged and tied to a bed, police said. Their bodies were found nine days later at the home in the town of Guarapari, 440 miles northeast of Sao Paulo.

There was also this news story about a 75 year old man who was caught sticking it to his dog. Apparently this had been going on for a while because the vet had to treat the dog for "repetitive trauma". I think Viagra just stumbled onto a whole new marketing angle with this one.

Man, what the f*ck is wrong with people??!!!

I've a Confession ... I'm a Potterphile

I guess the first step is admitting U have a problem, right? Well, I admit it. I'm ... o.k., into my second quartery century and I'm helplessly addicted to Harry Potter. I thought I would take a couple of months to re-read books 4 and 5 (that's Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 4 the unitiated) before July, because that's when the NEW book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, arrives!

So, I thought instead of going out and partying Friday night, like I normally do, I would stay home, not get drunk, not flirt with some random boy whom I didn't even mean to flirt with, I would be sensible, take a night off, and curl up with a good book (after I watched "In Good Company" - a great film by the way - Topher Grace is 2 fucking CUTE 4 words - and I digress). So, I picked up Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I did not expect to so easily get sucked into it again. I did not expect to forgo food and showering (ok I did break at one point for Chinese Food and a 5 minute wash up) and stay on my bed all weekend. I definitely did not expect to dive into the Order of the Phoenix after I'd read all 734 pages of Goblet of Fire. And it's absolutely absurd that I stayed up til 3:30 last night reading this damned book when I just read it two years ago! I simply couldn't put it down. It's escapism like I've never known. I think I'm a wizard. I really do. (just kidding)

But seriously, are there groups for individuals like me? I don't mean the fanatical groups that would urge U 2 indulge in such fanatical behaviour, I mean support groups to cure me of this odd addiction?

The good news about this weekend is I didn't have a drop to drink (that seems to be what I've been doing with my weekends lately, startling when I stopped to think about it), I didn't agonize over the the big empty hole that is supposed to be my lovelife, I didn't become consumed with what I was doing next to further my fledgling music career or get frustrated with why it was still fledgling ... simply put, I was quite relaxed and quite quite happy. Who knew reading about dragons and dark wizards and Durmstrang and Albus Dumbledore and O.W.L.s and three incredible friends who see each other through everything could have that effect? Well, I did ... I guess I just forgot.

Now I have the new Star Wars Movie to look forward to this week ... Episode III: Revenge of the Sith ... not to mention a trip to Cedar Point - home of the biggest bad ass roller coasters in the world. It's about time I was happy about something again. It feels kinda nice.

"All I really want is 2 be happy and 2 find a love that's mine. It would be so sweet." - Mary J. Blige, Be Happy

Dating 101 - Know Thy Self

So, I met the man of my dreams last night ... again. Why is it that whenever I meet the "man o'my dreams", they are either:

A.) in a serious relationship
B.) not interested in me that way
C.) straight

Last night I met Fred. Not Flinstone. Far from it. He was very easy on the eyes, had a great smile, was super nice and I had the best fucking time talking to him. We talked about music and movies (2 things near and dear my heart) the state of gay men in their twenties, New York and modeling (he used to be one - a model), and general life stuff. At one point I asked him, "What's the most important thing that you've learned from all your life experience so far?"

His answer: knowing himself. He talked about how important it is to truly know who you are, what your beliefs are, what your value system is, what you will and won't stand for in life and in relationships. After that, everything will begin to fall into place. Wow. I wanted 2 propose on the spot, LOL. Seriously though, it got me thinking. I have a pretty good idea about who I am and I know exactly what I want, but more than once I've been so ready 2 "settle" for things out of desperation, frustration, loneliness ... and I shouldn't. If I know what I want ... out of life, out of a man, in anything ... why should I settle 4 anything less?

2 bad Fred is in a relationship. I would have loved to have seen him again. As it was, I would have been happy being his friend because we have similar tastes in music (he loves Prince!) and he genuinely seems like an honest, intelligent, funny, inspiring guy. I gave him my card, but if my gut is telling me right, I won't ever hear from him again ... 4 whatever reason.

But U know what, I've got 2 stand strong and love myself enough 2 be ok being alone. That's hard. Maybe, just maybe, when I finally get 2 that point, I'll find the man and the relationship that I crave so much. Til then ... the journey continues.

"It's only when I lose myself in someone else that I find myself." - Depeche Mode, Only When I Lose Myself

Ooooops, I Did It Again!

Color me Britney. The last few days I had a few um ... setbacks. But hey, it's like an alcoholic or a junkie trying to give up the habit cold turkey, cut me some slack! But you'll be glad 2 know that I've done my soul searching, dusted off my shoulders and knees and am ready 2 commit to my self inflicted mantra of agony in the hopes of finding a meaningful relationship starting right now.

Only problem is I have no prospects. Zero. Zilch. Nada. What must I do ... once again resort 2 personal ads? Nope, those have never worked 4 me. Guess I'll throw myself completely into my music in the hopes of sublimating my loneliness and frustration. Now, that's ALWAYS worked. I might get another album of material out of it!

By the way, that second date I talked about last week? Never happened. At this point, I don't care if it does or not.

"Cuz 2 lose all my senses, that is just so typically me, baby ... " - Britney Spears, Ooops, I Did It Again

Can't Is a Very Very Bad Word

I love reading about success stories in the independent music business, especially ones that empower and motivate. Here's a guy who does children's music, does over 200 shows a year and nets six figures doing something he loves. Not 2 mention, he was nominated for a grammy. Courtesy of IndieMusician, U can read all about Zak Morgan, in his very own words, right here.

He stresses the power of making up in your mind that you can accomplish everything U set out to. "Can't" is a very negative and very powerful word. I think I'm going to stop using it altogether.

On a good note, I could very well have found a management company to work with! I'll let U know more about that as details unfold!

"I've got me a world full of YES!" - Renee Zellweger (Chesney) as Roxie Hart in Chicago

WTF - Well, Smell You, Nancy Drew!

Today's WTF entry is more of a DUH! moment. Per an interesting article on Yahoo:

The sexual area of a gay man's brain works a lot like that of a woman when exposed to a particular stimulus, researchers say. In an experiment, men and heterosexual women sniffed a chemical from the male hormone testosterone. The homosexual men's brains responded differently from those of heterosexual males, and in a similar way to the women's brains.

(You can read the full story here.)

The article goes on to mention how their research showed that when confronted by testorone, the "sex" part of the brain is stimulated in straight women and gay men, but not in straight men which further points 2 the fact that there is a biological involvement in sexual orientation.

Well, no fucking duh, people. These scientists are spending all their time apparently discovering things we already know, have always known and didn't need science 2 tell us. The fact that people still think that homosexuality is some kind of choice really blows my mind. It just further makes me say ...

"What the f*ck??!"

The Alternative to Straight Pop

So, in my last post I disussed the trevails of selling CDs and how it's, quite frankly, not happening for me. (Thanks 4 the comments by the way.) SO, I've created a two part plan to help me get "Deviant" out of my basement and into the hands of consumers who will love it. The first part is just going out and push, push, pushing it. I'm going to create 2500 small flyers promoting just the CD. I think 4 a tagline I'm going 2 use - "SATURN - the alternative 2 straight pop" I'll have a picture of my CD cover and it'll have some good copy (which I'm working on), mention the "blazing" singles and also, most importantly, where and how it can be purchased. And of course, my website will be clearly visible. Once I have these flyers, I'm going to distribute them to my street team (I think at this time it consists of only 2 or 3 people, but that's better than nothing!) and consign them each 5 cds. Then, we will hit the streets. Every single night I'll be out at a club or bar just networking, talking to people, telling them about me and my music, passing out these flyers ... and of course, I'll have CDs with me right there to sell on the spot. Also, I'm going to hit up some bars and local places around town to see if they'll let me display the flyers. So far, I only have the CD in Record and Tape Traders, but I'm also going to try and get it placed in some other stores locally.

So, that's phase one. It's my goal to sell no less than 30 CDs in 30 days. I mean, if I go out every single night and push it, I should be able to at least walk away with an average of a sale per night, right? I certainly hope. We shall see how this experiment works! It can't be any worse than what I've been doing up 2 this point!

Any ideas? Suggestions? Crackpot theories 4 me 2 smoke on?

By the way, U can listen 2 clips and BUY the CD online right here.

"I'm willing, willing 2 do the work. I'm willing 2 do what I gotta do." - Prince, The Work Pt. I

Eargasms

One of my biggest hurdles has been and unfortunately continues 2 B "HOW DO I SELL MORE CDS?" I've written about it before, and nothing seems to work. Well, according to pros like David Hooper and Dylan Benjamin, the problem is I have to figure out the benefit and sell it. I have to find the "emotional" reason why people would enjoy my CD and sell that "experience" instead of trying to sell the CD. What the f*ck? I have no friggin' idea how 2 do that.

I've been busting my balls, racking my brain trying 2 figure out - "what is the emotional experience I must try to sell?" Then I thought 2 myself - "why do I buy a CD? What makes me fork over cash?" Many different answers all led 2 the same conclusion- I'm forever in search of the EARGASM. Some artists - like Prince, Coldplay, Madonna, U2, Depeche Mode, Marvin Gaye, etc., give me multiple eargasms and I'll buy whatever the hell they put out - well except for Marvin, cuz he kicked the bucket long ago, but u know what I'm saying! But mostly, I buy a CD based on the fact that I think I'll have an eargasm somewhere along that journey. Does anybody else do this? Has anyone else even experienced an eargasm? That feeling of ecstasy where the music is so damn beautiful, or so moving, or so fucking hot and pumping, U just feel transported? Well, if not, you're missing out!

And not all eargasms are equal, know what I'm saying? It's just like getting off. It's always fun, but sometimes it's good, sometimes it's lackluster, and every now and then your eyes roll back in your head, you grunt like a gorilla, and you temporarily lose your breath and vision. And truth be told, yes, I have had eargasms from my own music. (Please, like U don't masturbate!)

So, the question is ... how do I sell an eargasm? I have 2 get out there and pimp myself, and let's face it, I've never been very good at that.

Any ideas? Suggestions? Crackpot theories 4 me 2 smoke on?

"Oh, pretty little whip! U got me dripping, dripping all over the floor! All over the floor! If I come back as a woman, I want a body like yours!" - Prince, Lovesexy

Blogroll Me!

So, I've linked up with the popular blogrolling phenomenon. I hope I added it to my site right, I'm so technically illiterate a five year old could run this thing better.

So, what are U waiting 4? I have 2 test it out. Go blogroll me!

"Take a chance U stupid ho." - Gwen Stefani, What U Waiting 4

WTF - Do a Little Dance, Sniff a Little Gas, Get Down Tonight

Per the Salt Lake Tribune, there is a man in the UK who likes to get high sniffing gasoline fumes. He hangs around gas stations, harasses paying customers, and has even been caught on camera dancing an "uninhibited" jig after taking a wiff of the gas in the parking lot. People have complained that he often reeks of the gasoline himself, but the man claims he only sniffs it, he doesn't drink it, because he's "not that daft." OMG. Well, they sentenced him 2 three months in jail for getting high on fumes. I wasn't even aware it was illegal, LOL. You can read the full story here.

If U ask me, someone needs 2 give this fella a light! I'm sure he'd dance real wild then!

And everybody at the pump goes:

"What the f*ck???"

Empty Room

No, Empty Room is not just a wonderful and obscure Prince song, but it's what I was facing on Friday night as I sat and waited for people to arrive for my show. Talk about sweating it! Every second that passed my stomach got more sick at the sight of the dreadfully empty room. I could feel the owner staring at me, thinking ... "where the hell is your crowd, Saturn?" I could feel the band thinking the same thing. Well, that's a good question ... where were they? The last time I was there I brought about 80 people myself, the openers brought 10 and Tim Kaye brought 100, so we had PACKED house. I wasn't expecting that, but I WAS expecting about 40 people, which would have been great. I'd done everything I knew to do to promote the show, made my phone calls, passed out flyers, had mutliple ads in the papers, but yet there we sat at 9:45 and not one single person in sight. I thought I was going to be sick. Thankfully, a couple of my friends showed up and they brought someone with them. I was jumping for joy for 3 people, that's how bad it was.

All and all, I drew in 10 or 11 people. One of the other bands drew in 20 while the other 2 bands, to my knowledge, didn't draw any. Thank God, we met the minimum or else I would have owed the club money! As it was, I couldn't pay my band members anything. And who knows if the Royal will have me back now.

At least the show was good. We were much more together than last time, even without a keyboardist, we could actually hear each other, and since I had had a drink to calm my nerves, I was very relaxed and free and jumping all over the stage. AND I got it all on camera thanx 2 my friend Cinderella.

2 all my friends who showed up Friday (all 10 of u), THANK U THANK U THANK U! Without U there ... well ... I just don't even wanna think about it!

This weekend I took time 2 unpack, 2 rest and relax and clear my mind. And oh yeah, started work on another 2 songs for my studio session on Tuesday. Does it ever end? Am I possessed or what?

"How am I gonna fill this empty room?" - Prince, Empty Room